Repressed Sexual Thoughts

making.love.is.beautiful.
2001-06-20 @ 10:15 p.m.

we make love a lot. he is my first true love, and i never enjoyed sex until him (though im young, still, ive been there a few times and before all it was was vulnerbility and ignorance.) but with him its different. i love him. and there is nothing more beautiful than that strong connection with the one you love. there is nothing comparable.

soon he is leaving. he has to go. to the navy. for four years, so far away from me, with only 30 days time to visit every year. the thought of him leaving scares the hell out of me.

i used to be lost. i used to miss a very important part of myself. and i used to long to be loved so much that i went to any level to feel the closest i could get to it. somehow along my line of innocence i became vulnerable. i lost my self respect. i had guys who would call me on the weekend, come pick me up, and take me somewhere knowing that by the end of the nite they'd get some. somehow this didnt bother me, i felt loved because i would give others pleasure and because they would talk good about what i gave and so for the time that was enough. then one day while sucking on some guys dick, i woke up, and began to realize what i was doing. i let myself go for a few months and gave myself to anyone who was willing to take hold of me. i was getting no true satisfaction. i was getting nowhere. i had no respect for myself, no one had respect for me. so it took awhile but i built myself back up and here i am today. lucky to have someone who loves me so much and who i love in return. he makes me feel alive. he makes me complete.

he came over tonite, and he hasnt even been gone for 10 minutes and already im missing him. we made beautiful love tonite. he layed on top of me and put his all into me like never before. passion so strong. i.love.to.feel.him.hard.and.throbing.inside.me. my cunt is sore, so sore. but its a sort of good sore, so its alright.

and so now hes at home sleeping, and im sitting here, lost in my love for him. and i can taste him still on my lips. and i can smell him still on my skin. and.i.crave.him. and in a minute im going to go lay down in bed, and my sheets and my pillow are going to smell of his cologne, and the cd he left in my cd player will be on repeat of all our favorite songs.

the whole point of this was just to say how beautiful making love is. how wonderful it is to have that connection with someone. and how happy i am to have experienced it.

*she*

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